Parenting a Child With ADHD
Parenting a child with ADHD requires flexibility and adaptation from the entire family. Raising a child with ADHD challenges the parents to work with their child to identify challenges and cooperate in finding the solution. Most parents find it difficult to give their children the voice and autonomy it requires for their children to be successful.
Among the challenges faced by parents and children with ADHD behavioral, emotional, and academic problems are the most common. Impulsivity and hyperactivity, symptoms of ADHD, present a unique challenge as teaching regulation skills and systems for checking their own behaviors are hard to implement and difficulty with emotion regulation influence the family’s ability to navigate situations with ease.
The strategy that I most often teach parents is to establish planned and discussed consequences for behaviors. Typically when children are engaging in unwanted behaviors the parent will attempt to deliver a consequence in hopes to teach their child but when disregulation and impulsivity cloud the child’s ability to accept the consequence there is often an argument that follows. These situations can become frustrating for parents and exhaust the family but there is a better option!
Most of the time parents are familiar with the patterns of their child’s behavior. Once these challenges have been identified the family should then discuss why it happens and the response that it will warrant. Once the family has consequences that are discussed and well understood the parent can them allow themselves to release the pressure of debating and explaining once it is delivered. The idea behind this skill it to reduce the tension and emotional demand of delivering consequences. Once the parent has observed the unwanted behaviors they can then inform the child of the consequence and disengage with the conversation. There is no need for further discussion when either is disregulated as we all know where that is going. Once the parent and child have calmed down they can return to talk about what happened allowing anybody to pause the conversation and take breaks as needed. Most parents learn early on that once somebody becomes upset it is harder to communicate and truly understand each other making further conversation less useful.
When choosing the consequence for identified behaviors it is important to ensure the consequence is equal to the behavior as a consequence too big is not only unfair but can often provoke the child further in protest. While the opposite, a consequence too small would not make a behavioral change worth it.
Additionally, these consequences and behaviors should be reassessed regularly. The family should talk about how they believe the behaviors are being influenced and the effectiveness of the new skill. As you will often find with ADHD systems and skills will often need to be reevaluated and adjusted to meet your child’s changing needs.
Working with your child’s therapist to identify skills and systems that would work for your family and using that space to discuss these with your child could help guide you as you develop this skill. Contact Through the Woods Mental Health Services to get started!
